my everything

2006-11-24T14:29:00.000+08:00

Seems like it was yesterday
When i saw your face
You told me how proud you were
But i walked away
If only i knew what i know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing i wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes i wanna call you
But i know you won't be there

Oh, im sorry for blaming you
For everything i just couldn't do
& ive hurt myself by hurting you

Some days i feel broke inside
But i won't admit
Sometimes i just wanna hide
Cause its you i miss
& its so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me i was wrong?
Would you help understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who i am?

There's nothing i wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
& see you looking back

Oh, im sorry for blaming you
For everything i just couldn't do
& ive hurt myself, ooh

If i had just one more day
I would tell you how much ive missed you
Since youve been away
Ooh, its dangerous
It's so out of line
To try & turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything i just couldn't do
& ive hurt myself
By hurting you

This aint goodnight, but goodbye.
Cause we both know, its not gna be okay.

2006-11-19T00:51:00.000+08:00

If you really gotta know, im not doing so good
turned out to hurt more thn i thought it would

& yes, i miss you. Can you see it?

2006-11-13T16:06:00.000+08:00

Remember waiting for you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all

Hello there sucker, congratulations on your perfection of threatening.

Do you enjoy seeing everyone in fear? You can't get by without threats, you never did. You're so caught up in yourself to see that you're not the only one around. So what if you have the authority as a parent, you misuse it all the time. How the fuck do you expect me to respect you if all you do is come up with more of your ridiculous rules. Respect & trust isn't something you can get overnight. Surely you're educated enough to know that since you're able to come up with all your endless fuck. & screw you for making everyone so scared to speak up.

You never fail to make your mistake look like someone else's. They say parents would always want their best for their children. They look for the best schools & try their best to give them the education they need. But all you do is threaten to take us outta school. Bloody hell. It always comes down to you having the upper hand & that you're a parent yeah? You think i'd die on the streets & i'll come crawling back to you. Seriously, think about it, over the short period of three years, how many times have it happened? Does it ever occur to you that something is a problem? You think im out playing, having the time of my life. You dont know how fucking tiring it is. Faggot, i detest you.

You send threats as though its a game. Family is said to always be there for you no matter what happenes. Obviously, this doesn't apply to you. I dont think it'll ever will. You never see the effort anyone puts in, but you expect everyone else to notice yours. You lock him out so that he wont hear the screams & how you actually are. HELLO?! do you think your son is stupid?! You wna portray the image of a perfect father, you wish. The things you do to get your way is so disgusting. You expect so much outta others, but you give so little.

You're sucha hypocrite. You never give encouragements. The only time you do is in front of outsiders. Face is all that matters to you, doesnt it? Whats the point of saying them when you dont mean it. You give hope but takes it all away the next second. You never mean what you say, so dont expect me to. Sometimes, i just wna run away from you. Just keep running until i cant anymore. & sometimes, i think maybe the girls home isnt sucha bad idea. It gets me away from you & your fuckening threats. At least getting killed by outsiders isnt as bad as getting killed by you. Omfg, i swear you're someone i'll never ever look up to. So there, i'd rather hi-bye situations always thn to go to you for advice of any sort. & dont expect to become a friend of whtever of mine cause i cant trust you, not even a lil bit.

You shld have just did it with the knife, it wld have hurt much lesser.

2006-11-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

CINCH & I WALKED FROM JUNCTION EIGHT TO SCHOOL TODAY! :D :D :D

2006-11-06T22:03:00.000+08:00

These words don't mean a thing
but i'll say them anyway

Happy 15th Birthday Louisa Jeanne Tan (:

Haha. It was dearest lou's birthday today (: Heehee. Had lotsa fun during recess today preparing for the suprise & all. Hahaha. We tried not to sing the birthday song too loudly cause the sec fours were studying for their paper. But lou, i hope you still liked it dear (: I think recess clique rocks, I love much (:

Why do you keep threatening to take me outta school? Wtf. Don't you ever get tired, gosh. I'm so bloody sick of your fuckening threats. You get by with by with nothing but trying to ruin everyone's life. Get a life, loser. I will make it, just wait & see.

2006-11-04T23:03:00.000+08:00

with my last breath,
i'll apologise for bleeding on your shirt

Hahaha! Loulou's confirmation today (: It was really really fun. BUT i caught a bloody cold. Spoilt my whole mood la. & now im stuck with a fever. Rahh! : Oh wells. I dont really feel like blogging today. Byeeeeeeeeeeee! Heehee (:

PS. I saw a walking diamond shop today.

& Hole..... CATFIGHT! : D Muahahahhaha!

2006-11-02T22:19:00.000+08:00

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all i've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Haha i went to school on time today! :D Met cinch at the playground & thn went to school, we were sleeping on the specs stand but in the end reached class fifteen minutes late. Was terribly sleepy, was nodding off in maths. I feel quite bad. Hmm, i will stay awake for the next math class! Yeah! (:

Shan asked me to go to the social ettiquette with her. Haha i swear Christian Chua is damnit funny. He gets like so many privillages just by complementing people :D Ahahah! & for the first time, I ATE A SALAD! The soup & bread was nice. Okay, the course was quite interesting. See Shan, i'm like so nice to you please! -smiles really widely.

Hahahah! After that, headed to town with Caifen, talked & talked & talked ((: Hahahah! We practically walked & talked the whole time. From the whole of far east to the whole of Heeren. As usual, it was real nice (: Oh, she doesnt look like a lizard la! Caifen, she's prettyy! Haha! & being the stupid me, i forgot to bring my wallet out this morning : How much dumber can i get? So i practically travelled everywhere without cash or anything.

Becks is moronic, yes she is. -nods head. I think i shld just flush myself away la please.
& i dont wna think of you, superman. Cause it hurts to miss you.

2006-11-01T12:32:00.000+08:00

There's nothing i wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes i wna call you
But i know you won't be there

Caifen hello dear (: thank you for yesterday. I enjoyed talking to you alotalot (:

2006-10-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

Do you ever wonder
What sky im lying under
Do you ever think of me
Does your heart remember
How we used to feel
When it used to think of me

All i need to know now
When you're on your own
Do you miss what might have been

World dont stop turning
Stars dont stop falling down
In my world of make believe
Do you ever think of me

We got different stories
& all our never endings now
Even though your heart is free
Still my heart wont let me be
Do you ever think of me

So we're on different shores
Do we just drift away
Do the memories fall
Like a driving rain

All i need to know
When you're on your own
Do you miss what might have been

World dont stop turning
Stars dont stop falling down
In my world of make believe
Do you ever think of me

We got different stories
& all our never endings now
Even though your heart is free
Still my heart wont let me be
Do you ever think of me

because you live & breathe, my world has twice as many stars in the sky (:

& i thank god for someone so beautiful. i <3 you.

2006-10-25T23:31:00.000+08:00

Hello there superman, i think i miss you.

2006-10-25T11:36:00.000+08:00

But no matter how i try
i cant hate you anymore

I dreamt of you ytd. A super super sweet one, it felt almost real. (: I didnt want the dream to end, it was one when we were talking like before, just playing & talking. Hahaha! It felt great, & this is what is gna carry me through today. (:

I have piano at 130 at tanah merah. I havta like travel so damnit far just for an hour of piano, & since ive not been practising, im gna have tht inferior feeling again. Shit. Everyone plays like so well & i think i wouldnt even pass Grade One if i havta take exams. I'd be in that room during class playing while hearing others play their pieces outside, they make the piece sound almost magical. Now that exams are over, i shall practice! Yes, i will.

After that im going for my dental, which is somewhere at shanton way. Another faraway place. Oh wells, the dentist will be giving me the name of the orthodentist ( i dont think i spelt it correctly ) but yeah, you get my point (: I wonder how its gna be like, wearing a that silver thing. Hahah!

241006, Tuesday

Hahaha! Today went great :D I met Charm at amk station, was a couple of minutes late. It was an improvement! Hahaha! Then we made our way down to cine & bought tickets for The Prestige, Jing said she could join us. Yay! Haha! After eating at pastamania, we walked around. Then we went to Heeren to walk about, there was hardly anything there so we made our way back to cine. Haha!

Decided to eat at the Bistro thingy. We ordered a BANANA split ((: It tasted really good but we couldnt finish. Haha! There was this table across us who had a couple of friends who popped in to say hi. But their way of saying hi was really funny. They took turns to poke their heads in. Then there was this waiter who said ' Can i help you? ' then both the boys said no & they left laughing. The waiter's expression was super hilarious, he gave the 'urps' face. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! They made us laugh real hard. & Jing reached just in time for the movie (:

Enjoyed it a whole lot :D Hahah! After the movie, walked over to Wisma to meet my parents & my cousins who came over for holiday. Haha! I just realised the last time the whole family actually went to orchard together, was like two years ago. Oh wells. I think my brother is super cute, although annoying at times. He was looking for the shark in the aquarium but it suddenly disappeared awhile ago, i think it died, i dont know. Haha! He's primary 5, but sometimes he just acts as though he's still primary 1 or sth. I love him, yayness (:

We got to eat the beancurd at short street or sth. It's been a long time, but i still like it ((: Today was just ggreatt :D

& omg, i think im so bloody fat & i look like a toad. I think to go on a diet. Im just gna die of obesity. Next time you'd see,

Name : Rebecca
Cause of death: Obesity

2006-10-21T23:54:00.000+08:00

i'm sitting here all by myself
just trying to think of something to do
Trying to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know its not working out
cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Well i didnt mean for this to go as far as it did
& i didnt mean to get so close & share what we did
& i didnt mean to fall in love, but i did
& you didnt mean to love me back, but i know you did

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more i think, the less i believe it
& the more i want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I dont want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if im on my own

Well i didnt mean for this to get as far as it did
& i didnt mean to get so close & share what we did
& i didnt mean to fall in love, but i did
& you didnt mean to love me back

I know its not the smartest thing to do
we just cant seem to get it right
But what i wouldnt give to have one more chance tonight

Im sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone its not getting me very far
I look around my room & everything i see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby wont you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

Well i didnt mean for this to go as far as it did
& i didnt mean to get so close & share what we did
& i didnt mean to fall in love, but i did
& you didnt mean to love me back, but i know you did

& i didnt mean to meet you then we were just kids
& i didnt mean to give you chills the way that i kiss
& i didnt mean to fall in love, but i did
& you didnt mean to love me back, but i know you did
Dont say you didnt love me back cause you know you did
No, you didnt mean to love me back,
but you did

2006-10-19T10:42:00.000+08:00

sometimes its nice to stay up late into the night, just staring at nowhere, thinking abt you. & i'd fall asleep with nothing but sweet thoughts & you'd appear in my dreams. just like before. (: i dont wna go without dreams, cause its then when i've lost you forever. like i said to you once, if you're gna get hit, i'd take tht hit for you. i meant it then, & i still mean it now. cause i think you're still worth it.

wht if i said i missed you? we're probably just gna fight. i'd keep it in, as long as i have dreams, i'd be okay. i close my eyes & i see you again. lollipops & candy bars, playing swings & dreaming things, lying there just talking & forgetting all the troubles. it felt great. there was nothing we couldnt imagine. somehow, i find comfort in just thinking you're happy once again. seeing that smile on your face, there's nothing more i can ask for.

i think im just being silly, dont mind this post. i guess it's just a random kinda thing. ohwells. got all the results back. im so gna retain, becks is like the stupidest person. i was just thinking & i had a thought of flying elsewhere next year to study or sth. come to think of it, i probably wont make it in either. im sorry for disappointing those who believed in me.

& cinch, baby dont say silly things like you'd retain with me & stuff. i aint worth you wasting a year retaking the same thing when you can move on. but knowing you'd be there, it's all im gna need (: thanks dear (: & thanks lou for your hugs yesterday, i <3>

2006-10-19T10:27:00.000+08:00

& she hates herself,
for loving you so much

becks: im gna see retainers next wed
cinch: why do you need to put retainers
shan: cause she doesnt wna retain

hahahaha! i think it was super hilarious. (:

-laughs at someone. she's cinch la! i think you're super funny (: i shall keep laughing at you for this. haha! <3

2006-10-17T17:53:00.000+08:00

i touch you once, i touch you twice
i won't let go at any price
i need you now like i needed you then
you always said we'd still be friends someday

Hello there, beautiful stranger. Have i seen you somewhere before? you look so perfect. i think my dreams are catching up with me. (:

long long friend im sorry we've not been talking much. now that exams are over, there's nothing else to worry about. i promise we'll talk lots lots more. -nods head (: & we can catch up on all the things we have missed out for the past few weeks! i <3 you much! : D BECKS <3 BANANAS! HURRAY! ((:

2006-10-16T22:08:00.000+08:00

in my head there's only you now
this world falls on me
in this world there's real & make believe
& this seems real to me

haha today got back results, i passed 2/3 of the papers, hurray! haha. it would probably the only two papers i'd pass anyways. ): anyways, the whole of today was like spent going through papers.

aft tht cinch accompanied me to orchard. ahah! saw someone day. -winks at cinch. hahahah! ohwells. i think im just being dumb.

okay, im trying to upload a photo. stupid blogger has sth wrong. darn. its alrights, some other time perhaps (:

2006-10-15T22:54:00.000+08:00

you didnt hear my cries for you
& now, im dying in this silence

Firstly, WANTINGG, THANK YOU DEAR FOR THE SKIN! ((: yay! <3 hahaha!

hmm. i think the weekend kinda sucked cause on friday night, my stupid stomach went like upside down. i puked twice, darn. im sorry i spoilt the night shan. : ohwells. spent the whole of sat sleeping. & i really mean, sleeping. i slept like until 4pm thn i woke up & went down to watch tv, like one hour later, i fell asleep again. woke up at 8pm cause i was like super hungy, cause i didnt eat the whole day. tummy felt much better. the doctor gave me some weird drink with salt or sth, saying sth is infected & tht i must drink tht to put back all the nutrients blahblahblah. it tastes horrible. hahahah! i threw it all down the sink ((:

ohwells. getting back results tmr. i so dont wna go to school ): im so gna get retained. becks sucks la. :

i do NOT like your moodswings, screw you. wth. why cant you be nice for just one day huh? my god. doors banging & all your screams, only you can do that right? i cant stand you, i needta get outta this nightmare. someone get me a drink, & say everything's gna be alright. you, i guess there's not much hope ehs? ha.

2006-10-14T23:50:00.000+08:00

hello becs sorry for making you wait so long, but i really am not sure if youre glad with this. hahah okay anyway i think you need to change your password now :x cheer up okay, you have bunches of good friends out there! DONT BE SO EMO ALREADY LAHHHHHHH <3

2006-10-13T23:40:00.000+08:00

she never recovered
from that heartbreak,
she bled herself dry

today was reflection day. i guess all we needed was just some time alone to think abt things. i guess it was quite a good way to think with just songs playing in the background. there were 3 people from india tht came to share. had time aft awhile to just hug & make up with people. hugged one of the lady from india, she was supposed to be a role of a mother. i realised it was sth my mum & i never did. i guess a part of me still hopes she'll do that one day. it has always been like a hand on the shoulder, & thts the so called hug. ohwells. ha.

bestie hey dear, you know i'll be here yeah? & tht you wont be trying alone (: please dont give up cause you knw tht there are always people worse off but still going on, not giving up. so you shouldnt either okay? (: & thanks for being there always, i love you <3

recess clique, lou, cinch, jing, charm, awyong, hole & emain hey (: i think you guys have been real great (: recess has been a hell lotsa fun with you guys around. i think it'd be really boring without all of you (: thanks for the happy times, <3

shan haha! hello my clown (: you're just really really funny. & its laughing with you most of the time (: haha. i guess we're just full of lotsa nonsense, yes? & you knw i'll always be here. & i didnt realise i was effective knw! ahaha! but still, thanks for being you. <3

eug shopping partner! we havent been out on our shopping spree yet (: we'll go soon alrighty? :D & dear, dont let your imaginations run too wild okay? dont stress yourself too much. <3

gay love haha. gay, bob misses his love you know! i hope he's out from the repair shop alr! (: & thanks for the super big lollipop today, i like alot :D :D STICKY CHEWY CHOCOLATE, i cant wait. yayness! <3>

& to everyone else who played a part to make my life beautiful, thank you (: with friends like these around, what more can i ask for? <3

2006-10-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

im sorry,
i didnt mean to fall in love with you

i swear i detest stupid terrorists
okay! they kill like sooooo many
people, thinking they can take
over the world or sth! hurr :
I DONT LIKE YOU, SILLY POKS!
RAHH! you're so stupid & dumb,
you can only takeover stupid
world! : hurr. its 1202, i just got
back from watching 'world trade
centre'. i guess tht explains why
i just got so agitated. haha

111006. sentosa (:

today was super hilarious (:
we were all suppose to meet at
dhoby gauht at 1015! but thn
we were all late except lou!
we got there & started to play
volleyball. hmm... hahah! i dont
think we can be pros, but it was
super super super fun : D haha!
hole can like serve a ball in a
very ballerina way (: no sound at
all please! haha! thn aft playing
for awhile, it started to drizzle ):
but thn it was for like a few mins
thn the sun came out for awhile
our attempt to try to get a tan,
so failed. haha! the sun was like
playing a game of hide & seek :
i so think im gna die of obesity )):
i shall learn howta eat vegetables
& thn go on a no-carb diet!
- nods heads. we headed down to
harbourfront for dinner. the miniwok
thing was super duper yummy ((:
yay! haha!

aft tht cinch accompanied me to
wisma, forever21 to get my top.
when we reached there, we combed
the whole shop for it. BUT someone
bought it alr )): & i just tried it on
ytd only! in the end, the sales person
said tht vivocity had & we just came
from there : ahwells, managed to
reserve one! yayness! : D

at the end of the day, becks is a
happy girl : D

6/8 of recess clique, all taking a break from
getting successful jump! (:

hole, becks & louu! (:

they're the reasons why my sun's always shining (:

the rest are in jing's camera cause lou's camera
died halfway ): but i still love them. <3

2006-10-09T19:59:00.000+08:00

( i miss you, i miss you )

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue,
the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack & Sally if you want
Where you can always find me
& we'll have Halloween on Christmas
& in this night we'll wish it never ends
We'll wish this never ends

( I miss you, miss you )
( I miss you, miss you )

Where are you & I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody & always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
& as I stared I counted
The webs from all the spiders
Catching things & eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
& hear your voice of treason
Will you come home & stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me, you're already
The voice inside my head ( I miss you, miss you )
Don't waste your time on me, you're already
The voice inside my head ( I miss you, miss you )

2006-10-05T20:19:00.000+08:00

her tear-stained cheeks
she drowned in her own heartbreak

walking down the empty street.
there's the piercing silence &
the cold night wind. i forget
everything, nothing's left but
thoughts of you.

i look up at stars & made a wish.
tht somewhere under the same
nightsky, you're happy.
cause your smile's all i need to
carry on.

you're tht secret i gotta keep
inside. & thts how its gna be.
i think i miss you. why do i
love you the way i do?

2006-10-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

let me take the hit
dont catch me when i fall
im gna let myself die

2006-10-01T22:09:00.000+08:00

i close my eyes, & i see you again
my comfort, my illusion

sitting on the beach, talking abt
almost everything. no worries
abt parents yelling or ridiulous
rules. just the both of us. under
the stars, making wishes &
enjoying each other's company.

the random feeling of just
staying out all night, not wanting
to go home. running away for
just the night & facing all the
yellings the next morning. it
might seem foolish, but it was
somewhat comforting to just
be in the company of you.

drawing in the sand & seeing
it get washed away. a secret
message only the both of us
knew. we didnt havta worry
abt others finding out. it
was magical. all the late night
walks down empty streets,
it felt good. i was hoping the
sun wouldnt come out & we
could just stop at tht moment.

when the sun comes out, we're
snapped back to reality. all
the lies & the tears just starts
coming down again.

2006-09-28T22:00:00.000+08:00

you want tht respect?
so earn it, bitch.

did i mention how your
fucking moodswings sucks?
i aint your toy or stress bag.
quit yelling, dont you realise
it hurts? why is it you just
need to pick a fight just so you
could feel better.

i'd shut you out.

2006-09-26T21:55:00.000+08:00

hello there, my silent friend

eoys tmr. english. darn.
im so prepared man. i think
im just gna get retained.
i'm not gna fall asleep
tonight. i gotta study, &
i will.

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free
Pray and believe

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

2006-09-25T18:27:00.000+08:00

behind tht broken smile,
i think i miss you

it felt like ytd when we
were just kids. having all
the fun in the world. it was
thn tht we could play all
sorts of game & not being
judged on how childish we're
acting. i guess tht was our
rights. we had many
fun memories. all the fights
& bickerings. we've been
through the ups & downs.
all tht doesnt seem to matter
anymore.

all most 9 years of friendship.
i miss you. its been a long
while my friend, since we've had
a decent conversation. it has been
the occasional hi & byes for way
too long.

i wna be a kid again.
with no worries & troubles.
almost every other place was
our playground. we could run &
play with anything, anywhere.
all the saturday outtings, all the
way til late in the night. being
the kids we were, we never got
tired. we dreaded seeing the adults
saying their goodbyes. the frequent
sleepovers. something so beautiful.

over the years we grew, we fought
more. & soon, we hardly talked.
all tht minor problems, it all doesnt
mean a thing anymore.

my friend, i just wanted to say
i miss you (:

2006-09-22T17:11:00.000+08:00

you're just another regret

you're just one of those people
i never wanted to meet. you
should have stayed insignificant,
you shldnt even have appeared.
i didnt know you existed, it should
have stayed that way. you sweettalked
your way. being so friendly & all.
it was just a mask. cola lolly, mars bars
& all the other memories. they will
fade. things you say & do. they're
all lies. cigerattes were sth you knw
you didnt like. if you were strong,
you would reject it no matter how.
please grow up, you think youre
strong. but seriously, are you?

when you tell stories, you want
people to only listen to yours. you
know you do this everytime you
run into problems. please la. you
know you'd run dry sooner or
later. the things you do are so
full of shit. you make a small thing
so huge. if you didnt care, you'd just
wont think abt it & move on. just
do that wont you. goodness. how
much more can you go on with all
your lies.

cream bistro. a place i never wna
go again. life's going back to where
it stop when i met you. youre a
hypocrite. you were just a passing
phrase. & now youre gone, i guess
things will start going back to being
normal. i like tht plain feeling, where
you dont knw overdramatic people.
people who thinks everyone should
care for them & them only. you say
your life's fucked up. you need love
& respect. you love & care was shoving
& shouting i guess. i shouldnt have
trusted you.

ohwells. you'd disappear soon.
if there's one thing i wna forget, its you.

shits. i sound super bitchy.
but this will be the last time it'd ever
be about you.

2006-09-18T20:03:00.000+08:00

you'll be safe here

haha. today's hilarious (:
headed to macs with cinch
& shan to study for abit aft
school today. we took lotsa
photos. i think shan's addicted
to us, cinch :D haha kiddin.
but that girl's really funny. am
like at her place & when she
types, she BANGS the keyboard
can? HAHA! anyhows.
there's lots more to say but
wait til i get my com back.
MUAHAHAHAH!
becks is retarded today.
yesyes :D i had my happy pill.

& thats the new beginning

2006-09-12T17:42:00.000+08:00

you'll fade like ink on skin

it's funny how something or
someone can make such an
impact in your life. sometimes
feeling pain's good. it keeps you
sane & it makes you feel alive.

some things are best kept
inside. noone will judge me,
noone will talk & noone will know.

i don't wna be a murderer.

2006-09-11T18:46:00.000+08:00

tears down my face.
blood down my arm.

take me away.

2006-09-08T16:08:00.000+08:00

you'd fade away like ink on
skin. with every rub, you'd
disappear bit by bit. & soon
you'd be nothing but just a
used-to-be.

2006-09-05T15:51:00.000+08:00

did i say how much you
disgust me? i think you're
so pathetic. i cant stand
you. eeww.

2006-09-04T17:32:00.000+08:00

this is hilarious.
i dont care wht you say,
im done loving you.

2006-09-04T08:34:00.000+08:00

woke up this morning
thinking of you again. but
this time, i missed you in
a different way. i learnt
mnay things, i guess you
gotta let go when its not
gna work out no more.

you'll always remain a
beautiful memory. you
said you've grown stronger.
thn dont sink further into
the darkness tht you're in.
you gotta stay strong. you
have many friends tht care
abt you & you know it. the
wound is still raw, i know.
it'd take time for it to heal.
im sorry i hurt you so bad.

there's one thing tht's not a
lie, everything has a way out.
dont ever think you're the
only one going thru crap. others
are always with you. tht, you
can count on. its hard of you to
trust again. but learn & do it
only when you think youre
ready. someone really special
will surely come your way,
either now or later. by thn, she
could help you ease your pain &
burdens. you wont havta go
thru such crap again, you dont
deserve it. & all tht you're
going thru will go away some day.

wonderful, isnt it wonderful now

i close my eyes when it get too sad
i think thoughts tht i knw are bad
close my eyes & i count to ten
hope it's over when i open them

i want the things i had before
like a star wars poster on my bedroom door
i wish i could count to ten
& make everything be wonderful again

i hope my mum & i hope my dad
will figure out why they get so mad
i hear them scream, i hear them shout
they say bad words tht makes me wna cry

close my eyes when i go to bed & i
dream of angels who make me smile
i feel better when i hear them say tht
everything will be wonderful some day

promises mean everything
when you're little & the world is so big
i just dont understand how
you can smile with all those tears in your eyes
when you tell me everything is wonderful now

i go to school & i run & play
i tell the kids tht it's all okay
i have to laugh so my friends wont know
when the bell rings i just dont want to go home

go to my room & i close my eyes
i make believe tht i have a new life
i dont believe you when you say tht
everything will be wonderful some day

promise mean everything
when you're little & the world is so big
i just dont understand how
you can smile with all the tears in your eyes
when you tell me everything is wonderful now

i dont want to hear you tell me everything
is wonderful now
i dont want to hear you tell me everything
is wonderful now
i dont want to hear you say tht i will
understand some day
i dont want to hear you say you both
have grown in a different way
i dont want to meet your friend
i dont want to start over again
i just want my life to be the same
just like it used to be
somedays, i hate everything
i hate everything
everyone & everything

please dont tell me everything i
wonderful now

please i dont wna hear you tell me
everything is wonderful now

please dont tell me everything is
wonderful now..
everything is wonderful now

like you use to say to me, i say
to you now :
everything will be wonderful
someday (:
& you'd be just fine.
this song i dedicate to you.

i love you, my friend. always
had & always will (:
takecare! <3

2006-08-31T18:08:00.000+08:00

you once told me that it
was better late thn never

i tried. i did.

2006-08-31T16:56:00.000+08:00

i can't, i just can't.
im sorry.

i love you, i do.

2006-08-28T19:08:00.000+08:00

i still waited til 7, even
though i knew i was waiting
for sth tht would never
happen. reading msgs from
long time ago gave me hope.
maybe, just maybe. you'll
come. i guess i brought this
whole thing on myself. i knw
you dont give a fuck anymore.

i think its time for me to wake
up and realise tht the girl long
time ago, aint gna come back.

and now, i guess all i can do is
to wish you all the best. you
probably have someone else
to make you happy, give you
everything you need, your hugs
and kisses. you've probably
moved on. it was just a couple
of days. why did it move so fast?

truth hurts, its a fact. and i dont
deny i miss you. but i havta stop
hoping. you ignored it so many
times when i told you. things are
suppose to be this way ehs, thn
there's no use of me running away
from it. you sent signs, i chose to
ignore it. serves me right.

all the best, my friend. if there's sth
i'll never forget, its you (:

woke up today thinking of you
another night that i made my way through
so many dreams still left in my mind
but they can never come true
i press rewind and remember when
i close my eyes and im with you again
but in the end i can still feel the pain
ever time i hear your name

the sun won't shine since you went away
seem like the rain's falling everyday
there's just one heart, when there once was two
but thats the way its gotta be
til i get over you

walked through the park, in the evening air
i heard a voice and i thought you were there
i run away but i just can't escape
memories of you everywhere
they say that time will dry the tears
but true loves burns for a thousand years
give my tomorrows for one yesterday
just to know that i could have you here

when will this river of tears stop falling
where can i run so i wont feel alone
can't walk away when the pain keeps calling
ive just gotta take it from here on my own
but its so hard to let go

2006-07-10T16:31:00.000+08:00

this time, this place
misused, mistakes
too long, too late
who was i to make you wait
just one chance
just one breath
just in case there's one left
cause you know
you know, you know

that i love you,
i've loved you all along
and i miss you
been far away for far too long
i keep dreaming you'll be here with me
and you'll never go
stop breathing if
i dont see you anymore

on my knees, i'll ask
last chance for one last dance
cause with you, i'd withstand
all of hell to hold your hand
i'd give it all
i'd give for us
give anything but i wont give up
cause you know,
you know, you know

that i love you,
i loved you all along
and i miss you
been far away for far too long
i keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
stop breathing if
i dont see you anymore

so far away
been far away for far too long
so far away
been far away for far too long
but you know,
you know, you know

i wanted
i wanted you to stay
cause i needed
i need to hear you say
that i love you
i love you all along
and i forgive you
for being away for far too long
so keep breathing
cause im not leaving
hold on to me and
never let me go

2006-07-10T13:10:00.000+08:00

baby i miss you so much.
school aint the same without
you around ): please come
back soon.

2006-07-06T16:56:00.000+08:00

im down with the stupid flu.
damn. didnt go to school
again today. its like the
second week since school
reopened and i've been
absent twice, and late for
school twice too. shikes.
anyhows, geraint wong
said he'll buy my chocs if
i went to school early for
a month. havta report to
him at like 710 every
morning. so far, the earliest
ive reached school was
718. aha! hmmms. home's
super boring. i wna go out

2006-06-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

in less thn 24hrs we'll
all be back in our small
lil classrooms. if we had
a late night and needed
more sleep, thts where
the tables become our
pillows. teachers lesson
are the favourite napping
time. lessons turns me off.

RAHHH! we'll all be back
with new stories to share
abt the holidays. fucked
up losers are once again
within distance. teachers
with their critics and
crap comments. nothing's
really enjoyable in school
anymore. all the plastic
people makes it even
worse.

a mth of holiday's clearly
not enough, it passes so
quickly. i'm seriously
dreading tmr. shikes :

2006-06-24T00:32:00.000+08:00

tell me, do you see me?

2006-06-19T23:52:00.001+08:00

fuck you and your threats.
just let me live my life you
fucker. i'm good without
you. i use to think tht although
maybe you didnt change, at
least mum did. and i appreciate
tht. you dare tell me you wna
take control if i get outta hand.
ha! if you take control, everyone's
life wld be perfect -- a perfect mess.
get a life man. im 15, not 5. the
things i went thru the past few
years, they're some you'd never
go thru in your life. you think
my life's perfect cause you
provide for me? come on. be
realistic here. noone's life's perfect.
you were never there for me,
so dont even try appearing now
wanting me to abide with every of
your ridiculous rules. you make
everyone in the family so afraid
to stand up to you. wtf. who the
hell do you think you are? you
aint anything but a crack in the
wall. i despise you.

you wna send me to a girls home?
i dont care. now i miss nick, mama,
kongkong and mum. you have
absolutely no place in my heart.
get tht into your fucking mind.
i'll be fine. watch me.

2006-06-04T22:12:00.000+08:00

it's just a memory turned old
isnt it?

i wished you'd care a lil more.
guess it's too much to ask.

im only human, do you realise
tht?

i remember waiting for you to come
remember waiting for you to call
remember waiting there to find
nothing at all

2006-06-03T00:25:00.000+08:00

i hope you had fun today dear (:

rmb not everything is as bad
as you think they are okay?
friends like these are hard to
come by (:

met kell for dinner and thn went
to cream bistro.
manda, miggy, eliza, kris, manpin,
qinn, cheryl, chloe came ltr.
yay! the surprise worked! (:

once again baby,
i love you, ive loved you all along.

HAPPY 16th MY LOVE! : D

tear-stained cheeks and a bleeding heart

2006-05-29T18:38:00.000+08:00

i waited an hour and the half
for someone who doesnt give
a shit anymore. i sat there like
a complete idiot, hoping tht
message wld be replied and
call wld be answered. i waited
for an answer tht never came.
i just need to know if i shld
continue waiting or shld i go.
probably to you, i deserved it.
caused i didnt keep to the
promise of hanging with you
after school. i thought you
knew i had lit, i thought
you'd understand. i know it was
my fault for having trng, i knew
it only today. tuition was
cancelled cause my cca attendance
is really really horrible and
i had to go. i didnt tell you
beforehand, im sorry. you
asked me not to go, i didnt.
you stood me up, you gave
hope but you took it away as
quickly as you gave it.
maybe you cld just tell me
if you wna end it all.
that's all im asking for.

2006-05-28T23:05:00.000+08:00

270506. saturday.

had a talk. i dont deny i feel
sad. really sad. i guess reality
always hurts. i guess it doesnt
matter cause she made you feel
disappointed, thus the matter
must rest now. why does it always
end only when you feel tht you
had enough and dont feel like
talking abt it anymore? the times
where i heard things like those,
i felt crushed. but i still had a
little hope tht it aint true, tht
it was all rumors. i guess i was
wrong. it came back double the
pain, i heard it from you, from
the one i trust most. it still hurts
bad. i try to ignore it, but it
keeps aching. i figured how much
tht friendship meant to you, all
the lies abt not being close? i dont
know howta react now. all tht
insecurities, was gone whenever
you reassured me. the promises
you made and broke. because of
her. sometimes i wish you wld
respect my decisions. im still
healing. last night hit me real
hard, im aching. im starting to
go back behind my wall again.
everytime you take a few pieces
off, double the amount goes back
on when things like tht happen. i
didnt wna knw, i was hoping you
wld come and push it all away.
when you're feeling down, shes
the one you go to, the one who
gives you comfort. maybe now,
if she comes running to you with
an apology, you'll be there to
give her a hug and say tht its
all okay and everything will be fine.
i know we've talked abt it. but
im sorry it still feels raw. sometimes
i wonder if anything we have
means anything to you. but
maybe you'll find the love and
care you want in her. im sorry
im writing this, i dont know
wht to do.

2006-05-25T18:29:00.000+08:00

stupid, two faced and bloody low slut.

i agree to tht.
its absolutely right.

all messed up

2006-05-24T22:50:00.000+08:00

FUCK.
they gave back ppr early in
the morning during assembly.
wht a way to start a day :
as usual i didnt get wht im
suppose to. this is fucked up.
im so far away from wht my
expected L1R5 is la. shit man.
time to buck up becks. nomore
fun til you reach tht goal. i cant
blame anyone for the grades i
got. i chose to play and not
study, i bear the consequences.
i improved a lil from the last
term, it aint enough. i failed to
keep a promise i made, im sorry.

i feel disappointed with myself.
i dont have the right to feel tht
way. i didnt have the discipline
to sit down just get a few hours
of work done. i shld have known,
i messed up again. aft school
precious gave me a lecture. a
long long one. in the end it was
late to go for fandn. gurung
called mum, i think she's used
getting calls from teachers
anyway.

darling im sorry i had sucha bad
reaction today. its just tht i do
feel terrible getting such fucked up
grades. i deserve it. i know you
care, i was just pissed with
myself. thanks for always being
there and giving me such talks for
the past two terms. i really appreciate
tht. i love you/

2006-05-23T15:07:00.000+08:00

; i love much (:

didnt go to school today, slept
in (: whee! school's so boring.
and like aft recess, i only have
an hour of lesson. waste time
only la. so i slept! : D yayness!
mum forced me to agree to see
a doc for an mc cause she said
she doesnt wna help me write
excuse letter anymore. so dumb.
anyways, i think i havta go take
an mc now. heh.

2006-05-23T14:50:00.000+08:00

220506. monday.

you know you're everything to me
and i could never see
the two of us apart
and you knw i give myself to you
and no matter wht you do
i promise you my heart

ive built my world around you
and i want you to know
i need you like ive never
needed anyone before

i live my life for you
i wna be by your side in
eveything tht you do
and if there's only one thing you
can believe its true
i live my life for you

i dedicate my life to you, you
know tht i wld die for you
but our love wld last forever
and i will always be with you
and there is nothing we can't do
as long as we're together

i just can;t live without you
and i want you to know
i need you like ive never
needed anyone before

i live my life for you
i wna be by your side in
everything tht you do
and if there's only one thing you
can believe its true
i live my life for you

ive built my world around you
and i want you to know
i need you like ive never
needed anyone before

i live my life for you
i wna be by your side in
everything tht you do
and if there's only one thing you
can believe its true
i live my life for you

happy seventh month my precious! (:

2006-05-21T21:05:00.000+08:00

200506. saturday

woke up fucking early for
maths tution. craziness la.
the schedule for tht morning
was like :
930 - 1100. maths
1100 - 0130. chinese
sucha dumb thing la. hmmms.
in the end was like sleeping
with my eyes open for maths.
cancelled chinese tuition thn
went to sleep ((: hmmms. met
precious at abt 0630 i think.
and thn we caught da vinci with
manda and miggy. haha. the
show's super nice (: baby's the
monk! ahahahaha! super funny!
its nice to watch a movie with you
again. it aint tht hard yeah?
home at twelve twenty. haha.

210506. sunday
woke up at 9plus to go to botanic
garden. some church thing. sigh.
wht a time to get up. it was quite
boring. we hadta come back early
cause it rained.

im so fat )): i need a diet. MUST
diet. fatfatfat! hurr :

2006-05-17T22:47:00.000+08:00

early in the morning
i put breakfast at your table
and make sure your coffee
has its sugar and cream

your eggs are over easy
your toast done lightly
all that's missing is your morning kiss
that used to greet me

now you say the juice is sour
it used to be so sweet
and i cant help but to wonder
if you're talkin about me

we dont talk the way we used to talk
it's hurtin so deep
ive got my pride, i will not cry
but it's makin me weak

im not your superwoman
im not tht kinda girl tht you can let down
and think tht everything's okay
boy, i am only human
this girl needs more than occasional
hugs as a token of love from you to me

i fought my way through the rush hour
trying to make it home just for you
i want to make sure tht your dinner
will be waiting for you

but when you get there you just tell me
you're not hungry at all
you said you'd rather read the paper
and you don't want to talk

you like to think tht i'm just crazy
when i say tht you've changed
i'm convinced i knw the problem
you dont love me the same

you're just going through the motions
and you're not being fair
i've got my pride, i will not cry
still i can't help but care

i'm not your superwoman
i'm not the kind of girl tht you can let down
and think tht everything's okay
boy, i am only human
this girl needs more thn occasional
hugs as a token of love from you to me

oh, baby, look into the corners of your mind
i'll always be there for you through good and bad times
but i can't be tht superwoman you want me to be
i'll give my love everlasting if you'll return love to me

i'm not your superwoman
i'm not tht kind of girl tht you can let down
and think tht everything's okay
boy, i am only human
this girl needs more thn occasional
hugs as a token of love from you to me

if you feel it in your heart
and you understand me
stop right where you are
everybody sing along with me

i'm not your superwoman

2006-05-15T23:09:00.000+08:00

ahahah! planned to meet
manda at abt 0730 this
morning cause we didnt
wna stand thru assembly.
wanted to stand at the '
pitch cause it was more
cooling. haha. in the
end we decided to go for the
mass thing so wont be recorded late.
haha. went to 7-11 to get gummies
and a bottle of water and choc for
darling (: rahh. i lost my red adidas
water bottle. hmmms. walked to
school but mass ended alr so went
for cat class. was kinda sleepy and
monday mornings are normally
so chinified. abit not three periods
of chinese la! hmmms. we had to
write on some dumb compo. heh.
aft recess had bio. tht bio tan is
sucha bitch la. she has terrible
mood swings. loser. went home
bio cause i wanted to sleep.
signed the green form and off to
my bed ((: slept from three to
abt six plus. hahaha. it was sucha
good sleep. yayness (:

2006-05-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

you despicable creature

today i stayed at home in morning
til abt eleven thn i left for school.
today's so fucked up. before i left
school my fuckin dad just hadta
call and spend soo long talking to
grandma. he said a huge load of
crap. he hadta spoil the mood.
wht a fucker. he made grandma
go to school to see praveena. god
knows wht they talked abt, i don't
care anymore. so reach school
at 1115. was so pissed i needed
to talked to someone. wanted to
look for mrs teo but she didnt
come today so ended up talking
to mrs christina tan. she's really
nice. i took like half an hour to
walk home from school today
and my place is like only 1km
away. wtf. im dreading home
so fucking much again.

i realised tht all tht crap
abt not having time to do this
and tht were all excuses, how
cld you not have time whn you
called from god knows where
you are to set some ridiculous
fucked up rules. like :
- you cant go anywhere but
school and home.
- you must have my permission
to go out now.
- from now til i come back, you
cant go anywhere.
hello?! like wht kinda crap is
tht?! get a life you motherfucker.
i detest you, i have absolute
hatred for you now. im reliving
all those crazy days again. and
seriously, its gettin too much.
ive been trying and listening for
the past five months. i think
thts more thn enough. if you
think its not good enough, thts
your problem. i dont give a
fuck no more.

all tht running away thoughts
are surfacing again. fuck. you
bastard, leave me alone. you're
hardly even there so dont even
try now. i've been really patient
with you and your freakin stupid
ideas. im sick of it. now, i dont
care anymore. i wna be who i
used to be. and i will be. cause
ive given up on trying. the word
'love' doesnt exists between you
and me anymore. ' i dont need
you like you dont need me' wasnt
this wht you said five months
ago? well. lets keep to tht alright.
nothing you say now will mean
anything to me. the rules you
set, are just words. i dont give
a fuck abt it. so please just
shut the fuck up.

2006-05-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

just wna scream it all out

woke up at nine plus this morning.
hurr, wht a time to get up on a
sunday. thn went for mass.
surprisingly, i didnt fall asleep.
probably cause the aircon was
like so fuckin cold. went to get
porridge from the church
canteen, it didnt taste as good as
the previous time. went for
chi tuition aft tht. haha. i'm so
proud of myself cause i went on
time today and i didnt cancel
tution (: ahaha. thn met charm
and lou at amk station. i thought
i was the latest but lou was later!
muahahaha. went to toapayoh
to meet manda aw and jing.
went to orchard for a show.
it was jing's birthday! : D
watched aquamarine. ohman.
i think tht mermaid's hot. the
show was quite comical (: aha!
sth really funny happened today.

first, we went to get tickets and
thn we wanted to eat at some
bistro thingy in cine but jing saw
a cockroach : so gross la. so we
ended up at tcc. ordered our
food thn cinchbaby came (:
haha. so we all sat there waiting
for our food and thn lou went,
lou: our show starts at 320!
charm: wht time is it now?
lou: 320!
( thn everyone goes.. ahhhh! )
so we decided to cancel the
order, but they alr started
cooking. so we were like uhoh.
thn we asked if we cold like come
back ltr to eat. haha. we brought
our drinks inside the cinema
though. by the time the movie
ended, it was alr 5. the food was
like so cold. ahaha.

okay, today was quite fun (:
yayness.
uhoh, i shld start doing my
work, been going out the whole
week end. shikes. shall go
do work (:

2006-04-30T23:15:00.000+08:00

this time, this place
misused, mistakes
too long, too late
who was i to make you wait
just one chance
just one breath
just in case there's just one left
cause you know
you know, you know

that i love you
i've loved you all along
i miss you
been faraway for far too long
i keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
stop breathing if
i don't see you anymore

on my knees, i'll ask
last chance for one last dance
cause with you, i'd withstand
all of hell to hold your hand
i'd give it all
i'd give for us
give anything but i won't give up
cause you know
you know, you know

that i love you
i've loved you all along
and i miss you
been faraway for far too long
i keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
stop breathing if
i don't see you anymore

so faraway
been faraway for far too long
so faraway
been faraway for far too long
but you know, you know, you know

i wanted
i wanted you to stay
cause i needed
i needed to hear you say
that i love you
i've loved you all along
and i forgive you
for being away for far too long
so keep breathing
cause i'm not leaving
hold on to me and
never let me go

baby i miss you alot. fuck.
you're grounded for so long.
its so stupid. she agreed to
let you out. why does things
always turn out like this. hurr.
this sucks. i wna see you soon
dear. i love you (:

2006-04-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

yayness! : D today marks the
six happiest month of my
stupid life. woke up at seven
this morning cause the aircon
was so cold, my feet were so
numb! thn managed to get
another two hours of sleep.
thn had chi tuition, so dumb
la. chi tuiton early in the
morning's sucha turn off. hurr!
aft tht, baby said she'd drop
me off for piano.. which is like
the other end of singapore,
tanah merah. aint she sweet? (:
had piano from 230 til abt 0500?
okay, thn off to far east to collect
something before meeting sugar
who came at like 0629. but its
okay honey, i still love you (:
went to cream bistro for dinner.
we fag, ate and talked alot (:
whee! baby gave me a ZIPPO
lighter! yayness : D ; i like alot.
thn went window shopping.
shikes. i hate window shopping.
its like you get to see all the nice
nice things and thn you dont
get to buy it : aft trying on some
clothes at topshop, went to get
yami yogurt. yummilicious ((:
took a train back. i realised its
mean a really really long time
since we went home on a train
yeah dear? ahahaha! today
went well (: off to sleep.
nights world.

happy sixth my precious! : D
thanks for all the fun and love
you've been giving me. although
i dont show it, i appreciate wht
you do darling. you tolerate
all my nonsensical tantrums
and you always try to put a
smile on my face (:
i love you alotalotalot ((:
GIBBONLOVESAPE! : D

221005

2006-04-20T21:14:00.000+08:00

hello earthlings (:
had maths and geog today. shikes.
im so gna fail. fuck. anyhows,
enough abt studies. wht a topic to
start of a post. haha! went on this
'becks topup fund' today (: didn't
have enough cash to get a top up
card. so made up this fund. thanks
to all those who donated, even
though it was a few cents, it made
my day (: it was really sweet you
guys, thanks much dears. aunty
elizabeth is so sweet ((: she bought
me and elee food today again. i
think shes really cute and nice.
i shall get sth nice for her : D
went to get the card and eat macs
with pokes and alicia aft school.
slept aft tht! yayness (: had maths
tuition :

i missed you so much and was really
looking forward to seeing you aft
tuition, i guess i couldnt. i dont
like fighting with you, i just hope
sometimes you'd care more. ahh,
i shouldn't be insecured. i dont have
the right to. sometimes all tht
insecurity just blinds everthing else.

i guess my day didnt really go tht well.
ohwells. there's always tmr. haha.
but i must say, its starting to pick up.
i hope it wont end terribly though (:

2006-04-19T23:16:00.000+08:00

i didnt go to school, felt so lazy
in to morning and i realised i
missed the chi thingy. might as
well la, didnt study anws. haha.
there's like four tests this week :
- chinese
- geog
- maths
- lit
i'm like so dead. my geog's tmr
and i just got my textbook only
today. not die only la. and im
online now. wow! im so gna
pass tmr : and maths.
there's like one whole chap tht
tutor taught only on tues : so
much for stuyding. i promised
darling i'll study for all my tests.
i'm trying, but i hate it. studying's
sucha turn off. i'll continue trying
and hopefully, i wont make kell
sad again (: i'll ask eliza for the lit
thing, and maybe i'll pass (:
went to fast east with dearie
today, ate the chicken rice!
yayness! : D aft went to macs to
sit for awhile. we ended up playing
some childhood games ((: so
funny la! uhoh. i spent over fifty
bucks today. so dead la. im super
broke! its okay, dont eat can lose
weight! whee! im like so fucking
fat. hurr. im looking forward to
sat. -smiles at you (:

221005
beautiful memories tht will
never be forgottern.
i love you my precious (:

2006-04-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

oh man. i think this is gna be
another terrible post. but anyhows.
i need to let it out. these days, i
dont know how or wht im
feeling. i feel horrible. im just so
numb to everything's tht's going
around. im going home to
somewhere i just get to sleep
for the night. it means nothing more
thn that. it doesnt even feel like
home lotsa people wna have
both their parents, but sometimes
it doesnt change anything if they're
non-existent. you threaten me all
the time, saying you have the
power and authority to do things.
if you think you'd get respect by
doing tht, im telling you, you
getting nothing outta me. you
guys can just go on longer holidays
and just dont come back. it doesnt
matter if you're at home a not,
cause to me, you guys dont matter
anymore. you keep telling me
you want me to be better in this
and tht. i think ive been doing it
quite well for the past few months.
but do you even give a damn? you
just keep asking for more. its so
difficult to be who i want to be now.
i dont wna try to be who you want
me to be no more. its just killing me.
i've lost a huge part of me when
i decided to try to be better, hoping
tht we'll get better. you knw wht,
i dont understand why i even thought
we could. i forgot howta be happy
and to have fun. i've been mundane,
too mundane. im feeling so : i dont
even knw howta describe tht feeling.
i feel so empty, i dont have anything
in me anymore. i dont laugh as much
as i used to, my heart's so heavy and
my head's always hanging down. im
really losing it. i think i need counselling.
i wna be who i used to be, i hate who i am
now. im sorry baby im not as fun as i
used to be. im trying to find myself again,
you help me with it okay?

i couln't tell you
why she felt that way
she felt it everyday
i coudn't help her
i just watched her make
the same mistakes again

what's wrong, what's wrong now
too many, too many problems
don't know where she belongs
where she belongs

she wants to go home but nobody's home
that's where she lies broken inside
no place to go, no place to go
to dry her eyes broken inside

open your eyes
look outside
find the reason why
you've been rejected
and now you can't find
what you left behind

be strong, be strong now
too many too many problems
dont know where she belongs, where she belongs

her feeling she hides
her dream she can't find
she's losing her mind
she's fallen behind
she can't find her place
she's losing her faith
she's fallen from grace
she's all over the place

2006-04-10T22:45:00.000+08:00

i dont know whts going on anymore
like everything's changing and we're
both fighting so often, i'm losing
myself. you said you missed who i
used to be? i missed who you used
to be as well. when im insecure,
hoping you'd reassure me, you think
im oversensitive. i miss the way you
used to reassure me and hug me so
tight everytime you see me shed a
tear or im just having a silly insecure
moment. now, everything's different.
i know you're trying. i appreciate tht.
but maybe it's not coming out the
right way. oh fuck. this is just wrong.

2006-04-06T20:38:00.000+08:00

nothing's been really happening
lately. haha! school's so boring.
i dont know wht to post. but
anyhows,

happy sixteenth eliza (:

2006-04-03T21:39:00.000+08:00

baby, you can do it alrights?
get all you work done and
she cant do anything (:
i love you : D

2006-04-02T16:53:00.000+08:00

YOU PATHETIC LITTLE FUCKER
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO
LOSERISTIC? YOU'RE JUST A
BLOODY COWARD, FACE UP TO
THE THINGS YOU DO WILL YOU.
YOURE SUCHA DISGRACE.
PLEASE, JUST DO EVERYONE A
FAVOUR AND JUST DISAPPEAR.
you said they're your friend. do you
treat them as your friends? think
abt it. do they have the right to
hate you? i think they have a solid
reason to.

2006-03-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

this morning i was suppose to
get up at six. i did! but thn i
snoozed til abt sixfifteen. i
felt so tired, i cldnt open
my eyes again. msged baby
to tell her i might not be able
to make it to school by six
fortyfive. realised tht she was
already up! wanted to meet
her at the busstop but she
was in school already! hmmms.
so got my dad to send me.
yuai, abi and kell was at
the specs stand waiting for
me. yayness! : D they're so
sweet. hahas! lessons werent
tht bad today. sth happened
during recess, it got a lil
outta hand. anyhows, im
really proud of kell (:
-looks at her. hmmms.
watched 'whale rider' or sth
during assembly. it wasn't
tht bad la! went to clementi
aft school with yuai, kell and
abi to watch yuai's friends
play in a basketball competition.
although i didnt really got
wht i was watching, it was
alrights (: it was raining
so heavily aft the match, walked
all the way out trying to get
a cab. its been a long time
since ive played in the rain!
it was so fun! ohmygod!
baby looked soooooooooooooo
gorgeous under the rain ((:
tutor came to pick us up cause
most of us were really late.

went to study at macs with kell
aft tuition. managed to copy
half my lit. dearie helped me
with it. she's the best! : D
walked home aft and realised
tht i left my lit with darling.
tht means another early
waking tmr! haha!

thanks baby for helping me
with my lit (: i love you
darling!

i wna spend the rest of my life
with you by my side for ever
and ever. every lil thing tht
you do, im so in love with you

2006-03-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

today was alrights. recess was fun.
it was cinch's birthday today! we
were all trying to finish two small
cakes. it was really nice but it was
too much! threw the remaining
away in the end. hahas! had the
review aft school (: it went well.
and the fandn test was open book!
yayness! : D anyhows, we had a
good time talking in the canteen
aft fandn. kell was so funny (:
i love my girl loads! there were
like two annoying people there
as well. i didnt fall asleep during
tuition today! i paid attention too!
-smiles at kell. hahas! thn gillian
was listeing to the few of us bitch
abt some egoistic piece of shit.
hahas! oh my! heard so much from -!
she's really really retarded. listen
euge! you think you're hot, you're not.
you think everybody shld like you,
tell me which part of you is worth
them liking? its just a waste of time
trying to get people to notice you.
cause you're like so annoying, who
wld wna turn and look at you except
her? but she looks at everything
anyways. so tht doesnt make you any
different. those tht turn and look..
they just wna see wht kinda
loseristic way you've come out with
again to gain attention. they turn
away laughing hard at you. you dont
realise dont you? you think they all
find you pretty and all. like PLEASE!
who wld? i know! only tht slut. but
that's all. so dont try anymore, cause
its not working, and it will never start
working. to the other slut you always
hang out with.. the one who also thinks
everyone's on your side. do you think
you're still in dreamland?! wake up la!
stop trying to turn everyone against
their friends cause you yourself are
scared that one day, your friends will
find out the kinda person you are.
which seriously, is irking everyone.
you think tht you'll be able to hide
behind tht pathetic facade of yours
forever? you cant, and you wont.
and stop being so fucking childish,
spreading rumours and bitching
abt my girlfriend. will you just look
at yourself in the mirror? you'd
realise tht youre nothing at all. but
you still think tht being superficial
would get everyone on your side..
i dont know wht to say abt you.
it wont get you anywhere, cause
sooner or ltr, everyone's gna know
wht you're like. and by thn, no matter
how much you wna take back wht you
said or did. you'd be left with nothing.
noone wld pity you. just curl your
loser self and go away. stop making
everyone so confused and angry.
that's the only thing tht you're good
and wld be good at. we will all
stand so much higher looking down
and laughing at you when tht
day comes. so loser, go have your
time with euge and leave everyone
else alone.

okay. im done with tht part of my
post. i miss my darling ape alot!
i dont have trng on fri. i promise
we'll hang out alrights? we'll go to
bugis to see your bag yuppyupp?
and again, i love you truck loads (:

happy fifteenth birthday my
darling cinch! : D
i love you girl!

i need you like water like breath
like rain
i need you like mercy from
heaven's gates
there's a freedom in your arms
that carries me through
i need you

crashed and burned

2006-03-27T20:51:00.000+08:00

okay. today was sucha bad day.
went to school in the morning
not being able to open my eyes.
during recess had a huge huge
fight with kell. because of some
fucker, we fought so bad ):
listen you bitch, you fucking
poser, stop making my girlfriend
pissed off alright! its so fucking
annoying. and because of tht
we kinda got violent. baby im
sorry i slapped you. and im
sorry i walked away. i lost my
precious for a short period
today. i realised how much she
meant to me. without her, im
lost and falling apart. she's
everything to me. darling, we'll
start all over again alrights?
-hugs you tight. the words and
things i did today.. im sorry.
tht was mostly the bad things
tht happened today.
thanks baby for the sweets.
and yuai, loo, jessalynn, abichang,
abitan, christine and most of all,
kell (: thanks for the super
sweet message on the board.
i love you guys alot! baby,
you mean the world to me.
I LOVE YOU!

i knew i loved you before
i met you. baby, i love you
and i've loved you all along.

2006-03-26T22:56:00.000+08:00

woke up at NINE this morning.
wht a time to get up on a sunday
morning ): hadta go to janice's
house in boon lay. gosh. its was
sooooooo far okay. was suppose
to meet na at 930 but woke up
only at 9! hmmms. changed it
to ten. we were suppose to do
some funny politics thingy for
chinese i think. we had to dress
like politicians. and i looked
intellectual for once! ((:
we filmed it at the playground.
the sun was so very hot. we
finished all our videos and thn
i met kell : D hahas! we ended
up in the library for awhile and
thn cabbed back cause i was
late! hurr. i was so tired and
all my mum could do was being
unreasonable. stupid! anyhows,
i miss my darling ape alot cause
i saw her for a short while only.
tmr's school again, dont like!

i live my life for you
i wna be by your side in
everything tht you do
if there's only one thing
you can believe is true
i live my life for you

2006-03-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

woke up at nine plus this morning
hahas! baby woke up earlier thn
me today. hmmms. thn went to
thomson plaza to meet kell and
suwen and shuwen came awhile.
realised they're quite nice people.
we all have sth in common! -winks.
hmmms. accidentaly dropped kell's
phone into the toilet, im really
really sorry darling. i'll get it repaired!
went for dinner aft mass with
charm, lingjing, louisa, serene,
manda aw to celebrate cinch's
birthday! (:
happy birthday cinch baby! :D
i love tht girl to bits man. it was
super funny in swensons!
we heard this song and thn
charm and i started laughing
cause we remembered sth.
-looks at charm (:
hahas! came home and i
really really miss my darling
alotalotalot. my mum thinks
i need more sleep cause i was
nodding off to dreamland
during mass, so i guess i gotta
sleep soon. HAHAHAS!
once again,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CINCH BABY!

i wna stand with you on a mountain
i wna bathe with you in the sea
i wna lay like this forever
until the sky falls down on me

2006-03-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

hahas! today was quite fun la. as usual
had two hours of free period in the
morning thn to recess. heard tht there
was someone in school tht looked liked
me. hmmms. but she doesn't wht! but
it was quite funny. stupid praveena
didnt let me leave at two with yuai and
abby cause she claimed tht i didnt ask
her, stupid poopoo ): i dont like her!
and she said she couldnt stand us going
to the water cooler so often. hurr :
rushed down aft school to delta for
hockey finals. well done dears! sng beat
cresent at penalty shots ((: went home to
change and went to orchard with darling kell (:
its been a long long time since we had
friday nights out. sorry baby you had
to wait so long. anyhows, its was really
fun. met manda after tht. aye! rmb tht
your friend's fat and mean okay?
CANNOT! : D hmmms. kell sent me
home, thanks sweets (:
we'll drink soon yupp! i promise!

my baby's all i need to keep me
going through anything tht
comes my way. she's my sunshine
after the rain. she's all i want (:

loseristic idiot

2006-03-11T21:36:00.000+08:00

im sorry for being a failure.
i miss my baby loads. i used
to be sure whn you said
' baby you make me happy '
now i think im adding to your
stress and anger. and you're
saying tht just to seem normal
its been almost three months
sinceive seen her happy. im just
a fucking failure who doesnt
deserve sucha sweet, perfect
girlfriend like her. we've
been fighting alot lately.
all tht tension and short
tempers. im at fault for not
being able to understand the
sadness she's going through.
all tht i cld think of is just
thinking of playing with her.
maybe tht imaturity has
caused a drift between us.
im sorry darling for being
a total idiot. you may think
i dont care about you, i do.
i love you alot. but maybe
i just dont show it enough.
tell me if you'd be happier
with someone else. i'll do
anything just to see tht
smile back on your face.

whts wrong with me. ive
been looking at my phone
every few seconds just to
see if you've replied. face
it becks, youre a failure!
why wld someone even
notice you. it might be
too late to take back wht
i've said yeahs? im sorry.

you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
whn skies are grey
you never knw dear
how much i love you
please dont take my
sunshine away.